Tis The Season To Forgive

‘Tis the Season to Forgive, and be Forgiven “Fa la la la la la la la la.”

In this New Year as a Christian Marriage and Family Therapist, I am anticipating having to deal with many, and especially couples who will need to practice Forgiveness therapy starting with my own household. Everyone will be confronted with a situation where she/he will need to forgive or be forgiven, because people are not perfect including my wife—though to me, she looks it-lol. Jesus teachings’ on forgiveness gives His disciples (us) a therapeutic intervention that works if practiced:  “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’  If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.” (Matt. 18: 15-17). Dr. Frederick DiBlasio, of the University of Maryland at Baltimore, gives several proven biblical guidelines that have been used in this type of treatment, especially in marriage therapy:

  1. Definitions of forgiveness from a biblical view point is explained.
  2. Establish guidelines where each person will have an opportunity to ask for forgiveness for their wrong action (s).
  3. If both partners agree then the actual forgiveness treatment begins (See Lovelandchurch.org for steps 4-12).

This treatment is one of compassion, mercy, and grace which is love personified in Jesus’ ministry. He practiced the art of forgiveness. He prayed and asked God to forgive those who were persecuting Him even as He hung on the cross: “Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing,” (Luke 23:34).

Dr. Robert C. Smith

Pastor Chuck, here are the remaining or complete list of Therapeutic Interventions methods that u are to put on our web page: I only mentioned 3 in my article that will be published this Saturday Jan. 9th, 2016.

Dr. Frederick DiBlasio, of the University of Maryland at Baltimore, gives several scientific empirical biblical guidelines that he used in dealing with marriage therapy:

  1. Definitions of forgiveness from a biblical view point is explained.
  2. Establish guidelines where each person will have an opportunity to ask for forgiveness for their wrong action (s), and accountable rules are created and agreed on for the offending partner to adhere to and follow, etc.
  3. If both partners agree then the actual forgiveness treatment begins:
  4. Statement of the offense—one or both persons are given the opportunity to state one specific offense at a time of how he or she offended the other….
  5. The offender gives clear explanation as best as he/she can for reason (s) behind their behavior or actions…
  6. Questions and Answers about the offense…
  7. Offended person asked to express his/her emotions w/o limits but with self-control…
  8. The offender repeats the hurt caused by her/him to their spouse, and tries to empathize or sympathize with the victim…
  9. The offender develops a plan to stop or prevent behavior…
  10. The victim has a chance to identify with the offender’s hurt, and extend mercy and grace if she/he choses  to…
  11. The primary focus here is choice and commitment—the victim can chose to forgive or not to forgive…
  12. Establish a formal request for forgiveness.

Note, these steps are based on whether or not the victim or offender will determine the next move—this is the moment of truth for both the offender and victim. One of the problems is that seldom do anyone want to admit their wrong or sins. Even the offender usually make excuses for his or her actions. However, at the risk of being redundant, the Scriptures say:

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Rom. 3: 23; “He who covers his sins will not prosper, But whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy,” Prov. 28: 13; and “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.  If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us,” 1 John 1: 9-10. Further, forgiveness allows Christians to be in a right relationship with God and each other: “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses,” Mark 11: 25-26.

 

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